Happy Valentine's Day!! Wow it's all rolled around rather quickly, I'm sure it was only Christmas and New Years not two minutes ago. As with all fo these notable days in the calendar, it's one of those days that can generate such a mix of feelings. This might be because there is a mismatch between our current situation and where we want to be. It can also be the chasm between our expectations and reality.
For some, Valentine's Day might be a great excuse to pop to the shops for a huge card, and fill it with compliments, and how their partner means the world to them. They tell them "I love you," and all the reasons behind that love, in the hope to send their spirits skywards!
Others may have booked the table for two, or whisk them away for a few days. Securing in some quality time with their loved one. For some, there's nothing like the gift of giving them your full, undivided attention, yep phone away, tasks on standby, for one night we will pull out all the stops to make them feel truly special and loved.
For some it's a great chance to get close and all touchy feely. It could well be in the bedroom, but it could also be about the hugs, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face.
Others may shower their other half with gifts to show love and affection - perhaps some chocs, flowers, something sparkly, or something unique that shows considerable thought and effort.
Some might decide to do something thoughtful, perhaps breakfast in bed for the one who usually does it, or something else that eases the burden of responsibilities.
There are so many ways we might celebrate this day, where do we start? It's easy to be influenced by what we see around us, as to what romance looks like - it's plastered on the TV, in the movies, on social media, for example. Some feel the pressure to go all out, create the perfect Valentine's Day by covering all of the bases listed above. Some of us may have the expectation that this is what Valentine's all about and anything short of that, somehow suggests we are not valued. Some are happy just to have ticked the box and done something, and hope for the best that it is enough.
The reality is that a relationship is a daily commitment, that much like a plant, needs to be fed the right nutrients, in the right conditions often... otherwise it withers and dies. A happy and loving relationship can not be sustained by grand gestures on a handful of days in the calendar. And there is no one size fits all approach to this, much like the vast species of plants that require very different conditions.
In Gary Chapman's bestselling book, 5 Languages of Love, he describes five different ways of communicating love:
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
This is a pretty useful place to start. If you are unsure of what ways are most meaningful to you or your partner you could each take his test to find out. You may find the results quite surprising.
So next year, instead of feeling overwhelmed as to what to do for Valentine's Day and risking disappointment, OR for making a daily, weekly or monthly commitment to communicate your love to your partner in the way that they can best receive it, you have more to go on!
Wishing you every love and happiness for the future! xxx